I'm feeling more and more stupid as the days go on.
Perhaps it's being home with friends. Do I forget myself? Is not challenging myself making me say and do these pathetic things? Forgetting conversations? Drunk dials? Lazy actions?
To be honest, the past 4 days have been the laziest I can even remember. Lord I don't even know what to think of myself...
What's worse is someone I still admire completely called me out on it, and I feel horrible and ignorant. I'm positive their view of me is now tainted by this recent stupidity... perhaps they'll simply laugh at me next time they see me. Shit,that's what I need.
But I'll be back in Boston come Sunday. Back to thinking. Back to Breathing. Back to independently challenging myself, now to prove me myself that I am not a waste as the past few hours of realization have brought me to believe. I'll be myself in Boston, despite how much I love Barkhamsted.
I think my head is on screwy. I've been thinking in spasms, shooting at flies like ideas with those suction-cup-arrows...
Then again there's a perfect explanation for why I was completely ignorant to that conversation I had with that person.
Ugh.
I'm a fool.
Is stupidity ever forgivable?
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